Thursday, September 24, 2009

I've been doing an exercise with myself in the past week. And it seems to be working. It doesn't make life perfect, but it is helping my attitude and helping me be content. When I wake up in the morning I tell myself (when I'm actually awake enough to think) "Melissa, God has blessed you beyond what you deserve. You have an awesome husband and daughter and right now that's enough for you." And then continually during the day I thank God for all that He has done for me. I still have moments when I desire a baby so bad my arms ache, but the ache seems better when I count the blessings I have. I have also been praying that God would use us to be a home for children that need a family to call their own. Children that aren't wanted by their parents or even abused by them. I'm to the point that I want to adopt so bad. I would still love to be pregnant and experience that, but it's not about the here and now. I need to look down the road at changed lives because I sacrificed that part of me to change others. It's time that I quit being selfish and give of myself. It's not about me and my wants. It's about living in God's plan and touching lives for Him. But, boy, do I still have a lot to learn. I was watching a video on a blog that I follow and it showed me that I have so far to go in my faith. I desire faith like I saw in the video (even though this family lost a baby). Their faith was shining through thier grief. Now, I know this is a dangerous think to ask for. Why?? Because faith like that does not come easy. It comes through trials and perseverence. I pretty much prayed that God would keep the trials coming. Ok, I am a little crazy....but like I said it's not about the here and now or even being comfy. I also refuse to waste my life wanting things I may never have and miss out on the things that I do have. That's not fair to me or those who are blessings to me. I am still clinging to the hymn I mentioned in my previous post...."I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back."

God, I have not been using this blog for your Glory. I've used it to have a pity party. God forgive me. Please use me. Use this blog to touch others...that's the reason I started it in the first place. Be with those who read it and touch them in ways that they need a touch from you. Like I've been praying, help me realize the blessings that I have in my life and thank you for all of them. I love You and I will serve You all my days. In Your Name, Amen.

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