Friday, May 30, 2008

God's perfect timing

Ok, most of you who know me are probably thinking by the title that I have some wonderful announcement about me being pregnant. I wish I could say that, but I can't....not at this point anyway. The perfect timing I'm talking about has to do with something that happened last night. We had worship team practice and I was supposed to give our guitar player a book for his mom before he left. Well, we both forgot. I had it with me, but I just didn't give it to him. So I was desperate to get it to him (long story behind it). Since they live in a town that is 35 minutes away from Dighton I thought that we could meet someone halfway. So plans were made and that's what we did. The book was given to the right person and everything was good. Except for the fact that it was late (almost midnight) and Scott was getting a little edgy, as well as me. We were like 6 mile from home when we saw a vehicle in the ditch. At first we couldn't tell if it was upside-down. Thank goodness it was right-side up. But from the look of it the guy in the vehicle had quite the ride into the ditch. Ok, to help you picture why this happened a little better I need to mention that it was raining very hard. At times we couldn't even see the road (and I think it hailed just a little bit at one point). So it was obvious that this guy had hydroplaned and lost control. So we were able to give him a ride to his parents house who lived past Shields a ways. Scott and I realized that we could not be mad about having to bring the book halfway to Ness City because if we had not had to do that, we would already have been home when this guy went into the ditch....and he would have been there a long time because at midnight that road is very dead. We realized that God allowed a situation for us to help this guy. So the moral of the story is.....When a situation seems to be an inconvenience, look for the blessing that God has waiting for you. Sometimes it's in helping someone (like we did) and sometimes it's an unseen blessing of maybe avoiding an accident or something. You just never know. This was a lesson that my family stuck to when I was growing up. We were always having car trouble or getting lost (It's a Pollock thing) but we always tried to thank God for an unseen blessing of safety, or even thanked him for meeting the people we got to meet had it not been for our "troubles." God knows what is going on and has perfect timing for everything in life.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Down in the dumps

I guess tonight is my time to be a little down. I don't know what my problem is, but I'm feeling kind of depressed. Maybe it's because of some things going on right now that I can't mention. I will hopefully be able to talk about it after awhile. Just pray for me. It just started tonight during practice. I was in the middle of singing and having a great time...and all of a sudden I just didn't feel like myself. I was feeling like I didn't want to do anything. I don't was just strange. I can understand if I would have had a bad day, but my day was fine. It was my last day of school. I should have been so happy that nothing could bring me down. But that's not what is happening. I do go to a dr appointment tomorrow, so I guess maybe I'm nervous about that. I never know what the dr will say when it comes to my womanly issues. Things are still not better. I'm supposed to have an ultrasound tomorrow so maybe they will have some answers. I hope so. Thanks for taking the time to read this and letting me vent to you. I'll hopefully be more upbeat next time. God Bless You!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

God is still working

Well, God is still at work. Can you believe it??? ;) I guess I knew that, but it's always nice when He really does show himself. I was not paying attention in Sunday School today. (By the way I go to sunday school with scott and he teaches the high school kids). There is a verse that I have had people quote to me (and make me angry) that kept coming to mind this morning. It's Psalm 37:4 which is the verse that says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." My argument has always been that the verse was a lie because I delighted in the Lord and He won't give me the desires of my heart. Which at times has made me question the Bible. Ok, that's a whole other subject. But this morning this verse kept coming to mind and I tried to shoo it away, but it wouldn't go away. So I got my Bible and looked it up. Did you know that I have never read around that verse? If I have I have never paid attention. Can I just say, "Whoa!!!" There went God again. The whole chapter 37 talks about the wicked and how it seems that they prosper and the righteous don't, but not to be angry when it seems that way because in the end they will perish and the righteous will prosper. That has been exactly how I've felt lately. Everyone who does bad things seems to be blessed with children galore, while we live a good clean life (without drugs and alcohol, etc.) and haven't been able to have children. I've been very bitter and angry about that. But then God steps in and speaks this to me. That it will seem like the wicked gets their way, but in the end they are the ones who perish. So if you get a chance, read Psalm 37 and let me know what you think of that. I know others that think the same way I do that life just isn't fair and it seems bad people get good things.....but God still has His hands in it all. He knows what He's doing (very hard to remember that). It's like I taught to the young youth group (Fishers Of Men) at church today....Joseph had a very hard life. He was sold as a slave by his brothers, he was thrown in jail for doing the right thing and yet God was in it all and it was all in His plan. WOW!!! Can't wait to see what my story turns out to be.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

God does not forget us

To start this I need to show you an e-mail that I sent to a friend just today. It went something like this:

Thank you for just being here for me. And thank you for the card....I try so hard to remember and actually believe that God does have a plan for me. I just get so frustrated because I don't know what it is. Sometimes I feel so alone like God has just left me hanging by myself. I "know" that He hasn't, but I just can't seem to grasp that. I feel like he forgot to make a plan for me and forgot that he forgot (does that make sense?). I just feel like I'm hanging here with nothing to do. That's a lot of!

Not more than 10 minutes after sending that to her, I was bored and was searching GodTube for something to watch. I figured if I was going to watch something good, it would be better from GodTube. I just happened upon (yeah....what a coincidence) a video of Chonda Pierce. I had heard of her, but had never seen or heard her speak. She is very funny and I enjoyed listening to it, and then God spoke......well, she did, but it was His words. If you watch the video you will understand (after you've read my e-mail above). She was singing a song that is very familiar to me, but I guess I've never really heard the words like I did today. It was the song "What A Friend We Have In Jesus." She sang it and then spoke a little more and mentioned that God does not forget us......did you read that.....HE DOES NOT FORGET US!!! I had just said to someone that I felt like God forgot about me. I don't even think there's anymore to say about that.

Here's the link for the video:

Saturday, May 03, 2008


I guess it's about time I blogged again. I'm not sure what to say. Not a lot has been going on lately. Well, I guess I could talk about the service that I had this past Sunday in Alta Vista (and of course we had a concert there). Ok, I'll start with the concert. Our band (Ever played in Alta Vista last Saturday. It rained....and it was freezing cold. It was miserable, but it was worth it to sing and play. But nothing compared to doing the worship at my parents church. That is what I was created to do was sing worship music....well, we all were, but you know what I mean. And I did get to sing that song that really spoke to me. It was a very powerful song and I amost cried when I sang it. But the most important part of the weekend happened Sunday afternoon before we left for home. We had a service in memory of our two babies. It was a beautiful service. And it was kind of odd, it was beautiful during the service (which was outside), but in a matter of minutes after it was done it got cold and cloudy....Thank you God! I had music and poems (even Scott read a poem and two verses). I read one poem and made a total fool of myself with my crying. But it's all good. Then we lit candles (2 pink ones) and we did it like a unity hands were shaking so bad. It was very good for me to have this closure. It's helped already. To be perfectly honest as of a week and half ago Scott and I were going to seperate....really. It's been so stressful with me grieving the loss of our daughters and then to be rejected with the adoption. It was just too much for me, and Scott didn't know what to do. One night we fought, very bad, and we both decided that maybe we should just go our seperate ways. Things are so much better now. I pray that no one ever decides that seperation is a way to solve marriage problems. I'm glad that we stuck it through and let God heal us. We are still cautious about what we say to each other and how we treat each other, but I bet that's a good thing. We will be stronger after all of this. Now we just have to make the decision to try and adopt again (I'm against this one), try some more fertility treatments (I don't know about this one financially), or just stay childless (can I handle that one?). It is so hard. And then I get frustrated with all my womanly problems, which does affect our marriage (intimately). I'm still waiting for a dr to give me some clear answers as to what is going on. Ok, I started out saying that I didn't have much to say, and look at how much I've said already. I've skipped around on a lot of subjects. But I should go. I need to get motivated around my house, but I get so tired and worn out (iron deficency?). I'll try and keep my blog more updated. God Bless you all!!!