Sunday, December 31, 2006
Lord, I pray that you would take this time to show me how to change my life in this new year. I pray that you would forgive the ways I sinned and went against you this past year. I pray that this new year would be a new start for me (and Scott). I pray that you would do Your will in this cancer. If it be your will please heal it, and if it's not your will to heal it, please use it to change lives (ours and others). Keep us going strong but teach us to rely on you for our strength. Keep our families safe and bring them closer to you. Thank you so much for this chance to start new, but even as we mess up this next year help us to remember that each day is a chance for us to start new. Your mercies are new each and every morning. Thank you for that! I love you! Amen
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
I think she is just the most adorable thing in the world. She was very scared at first and didn't do much of anything but sleep all the time, but now she has started playing and she loves the cats, they just don't love her. She wants to play and they can't get away fast enough. The woman said that Krissi was used to cats being around and I can see that now. Isn't she just so cute? I think she has an ornery look in her eyes, she's going to be a handful, but it's going to be fun to have her around. I want to train her to do all sorts of tricks, and to be a good dog. She's my Christmas baby!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Really quick I want to tell you a story (don't get sad or feel sorry for us....it's just thoughts). But Scott and I were talking the other day (when I still thought I was pregnant) and he said that he gets this feeling that God is going to let us adopt or get pregnant and then take him home. I had that same thought just a few days before he said anything. Now, I don't know that these thoughts will come true, but I thought I would share them with those close to me. I can't get myself to verbalize these thoughts so I can't tell anyone in person, but for some reason it's easier for me to type my thoughts. It could just be the way our minds are thinking....maybe a fear we have deep down. But I've always had this feeling that my time with Scott would be precious, but shorter than I would like it to be. I don't know......I can't say anything for sure....look at how the pregnancy thing turned out. Ok, now that I have that off my chest....I guess the best thing would be to pray about it....which I should have done first.
Lord, I thank you for being here with me. I am so glad that even though I wasn't pregnant that I'm still able to worship you and love you. I pray that you would be with us as we continue to battle this cancer. Be with us on Jan. 4th as we go back to OKC. I pray for the Christmas season, that we would all remember the real reason for celebrating. Keep safe those who are traveling. Thank you so much for the family that I have and that we are so close. I also pray for the thoughts that Scott and I had. I pray that if they aren't from you that you would take them away, and if for some reason they are from you as a preparation for the future, then be with us and comfort us and guide us. Thank you so much for all you've done....for coming down as a baby and then later on dying for our sins and saving us from Hell. You are awesome. I love you!
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Lord, I just pray for us right now. Give us the strength to go on. We know that we can do all things with You and right now we are depending on you to go on. We can't do it without you. I pray for healing in Scott's eye. I pray that the Dr's would know what to do and how to do it. Give them wisdom in all of this. Work through their hands. Thank you for all you have blessed us with and thank you for providing through the cancer. You have given us more than we could ever have imagined. Thank you again. I love you!
Monday, December 04, 2006
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
It goes on from there and says some more wonderful things, but even if I just remember that part of the scripture it's a great promise for me.....for everyone. Because God doesn't just have plans for me, but for everyone. He never makes mistakes, His will is perfect as long as we follow Him. Now I'm not saying I won't have days that I forget this. I know I will have times that I want my will over His will, but I hope that He reminds me that it is better His way. The view He has is like the view from an airplane...He can see everything in front of us, but our view is from a dashboard perspective....all we see is what is right there, we can't see what's coming up. We need to trust the one who see's it all.
Another verse that I just thought of is Psalm 37:4. It says:
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
I used to think that it meant that you would get what you wanted if you made God happy (almost like doing favors for each other). Scott and I had a discussion (many discussions) about this verse. He did his research and found out that the phrase "delight yourself in the Lord" means something different than we think. It means that we need to make ourselves soft and pliable to God.....like soft clay. Open yourself up to His will and you will get the desires of your heart, because the desires of your heart become God's desires for you. Does that make sense? It didn't to me at first. But I think I get it. Now, I know that doesn't mean that God doesn't like blessing us with things we want or we enjoy. He's like any other father with his children, He has a soft spot for us and likes to bless us. Ok, this turned out to be almost a sermon. I'm sorry about that. I started and I just couldn't stop. Maybe this was God's way of letting me speak to someone who needed it. So if this spoke to you give God the thanks because it was Him who used my fingers to type it.
Lord, Thank you for family, thank you for friends, thank you that we have each other to help us through tough times. Remind me that I can be open and honest with them. I thank you for the blessings that you have given to me so far in my life and I also thank you for the miracles that you have done in my life. I said before that you don't give me miracles, but you do. The first one was actually giving me life, and since then, there have been too many to mention on this blog. I pray for health and safety for Matt and Tanna's baby. Help Tanna with her gallbladder troubles and help the rest of the pregnancy to go well. Help calm her fears as the time draws near for the baby to be born (March/April). Thank you again. I love you!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Ok, anyway I'm rambling again. I tend to do that, as you probably have noticed by now if you've read my blogs. It's funny, I was talking to my sister, Michaela, about the adoption stuff one day and I told her that God could do anything and that we needed to pray for a Christmas miracle. I said we should put our faith in Him because He can do anything. I think my msn messenger name for awhile was "let's pray for a Christmas miracle." God does some amazing things and I can't wait to see what He does this time. I'll for sure be posting anything that happens. Because if I get my Christmas miracle that I've been praying for (no matter what it is) I want to share it with everyone. So let's all go out on faith and pray for a Christmas miracle!
Lord, I just want to praise Your name. You are awesome and nothing is impossible with you. You can still perform miracles today and I just pray that when it happens to us that we will recognize it for what it is. I pray that I keep in mind that it could be anything. It may not be what I'm thinking. Thank you for everything you have already given to us...family, friends, our health, food, a house, a car, and the list could go on and on. Keep us safe as we travel yet tonight and then right after the appointment. Help us to stay awake when we need to and to rest when we need to. Again, thank you so much for everything. I love You!!!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Ok, I started out talking about Thanksgiving and I really got ahead of myself. I didn't think I was ready for Christmas to be here, but I guess I'm more excited than I thought. I could go on even more, but I will spare you all the boring details about every little thing I love about Christmas.
But I might bore you with some more about our adoption....sort of. We thought of some different ways to decorate the bedroom. I still like the idea of Winnie the Pooh (if it's a girl) but I came up with an even better idea if we get a boy. In fact I'm praying that we can get a little boy about 2 or 3 years old. But my new favorite movie is "Cars" (you know the Disney movie) and I decided that it would be so much fun to do a room in "Cars." I even looked on the internet and found some of the cutest things to put in the room (furniture, decorations, etc.). And my favorite part of the room will be the border that I put up. Michaela helped me come up with part of it and then I added to it. But I would paint a black road (somewhere below the middle of the wall) and of course put the yellow lines on it to make lanes, but then I will get some black velcro and put it up all along the road in both lanes. Then take the other part of the velcro and put it on the underneath side of some toy cars. Then he can play cars on the wall. I thought that would be so much fun. Ok, I'm a little excited, but I guess I keep thinking of this time as a pregnant woman does. I'm "expecting" and this is my time to get things all ready before the child gets here. The only difference with this is we don't know how long we have to wait (could be less than 9 months or could be more). I even joke with some people that my "hormones" are "acting up." I seem to be crying at the drop of a hat these days. Maybe that's God's way of letting me experience some of the pregnancy symptoms....I don't know.
But anyway.......Happy Thanksgiving to ya'll!!!!
Lord, I just thank you for the holiday season. Help us to remember the reason for the holidays. Let us be thankful for everything you have given to us and done for us. And let us remember the real meaning of Christmas. Even through all the craziness of the holidays, let us keep the true reason in our minds. Lord, I thank you so much for the calling you have on our life right now. Thank you that You have allowed us the privelage of adopting (eventually). Help us to be patient and wait for Your timing of everything. Thank you! I love You!
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Scott and I had a "date" day today. We went to Dodge City and spent the whole day having fun. We went to a model train show, I got a full body massage (I recommend it to anyone), and then went to the movie. I know I've talked a lot about us adopting and how God has really spoken that to us this week, but the movie just drove the point home. I went to the movie expecting the kind of movie that Scott loves, where the losing team comes back and becomes the winning team. I was right it was that, but it was so much more. Of course it's about a football team and their struggles, but the coach and his wife have a struggle of their own.....yes, you may have guessed it....they can't have a baby and that's all they really want. I wanted to jump into the movie and hug the wife when her husband came home from work one day and saw her pregnancy test box. When he asked her about it she said something that is all too familiar to me. "I want it so bad that my body starts playing tricks on me." Those of you who know me well, know that I tend to do that. I take every sign and analyze it. Well, they find out in the movie that they can't have a baby at all and, like any couple, they are devastated. I know that feeling too. But throughout the whole movie the message was the same, "Nothing is impossible with God." I won't share anything more about the details of this movie because I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but I will say that God spoke to me a lot during the movie. At one point I felt that He was sitting next to me and whispering in my ear, "just watch me, watch what I can do. You won't believe what I'm going to do." There are very few movies that make me start crying in the beginning and make me continue to cry for the rest of the movie. Actually, I didn't just cry until the end the movie, I was still crying over it when we got to Cimmaron (about a half hour after the movie was over). I felt like I spent the entire movie either praising God for what he's done for us and giving Him thanks, or repenting for my lack of faith. God has such big plans for us that we can't even imagine. I'm already overwhelmed about what He's going to do. I could go on and on about this movie and they way it spoke to me, but then I would give away the whole movie. If you get a chance to see it I know you will understand some of the ways it spoke to us. And I bet that it will speak to you in ways that you can't even imagine.
Lord, I am so sorry for my lack of faith. I want to be like the farmer who prayed for rain and then went out and worked his field to get ready for the rain. I've been the other farmer (who just sat and waited for rain) for way too long. I know you have huge plans for us. Plans bigger than anything we could ever imagine. I know they will be great. I also want to thank you for all that you have done. You have provided for us during the cancer and you continue to do so. Thank you so much. You are an awesome God and You are always there for us. Nothing is impossible with You. I pray that you would help us face our giants and defeat them. Thank you so much. I love you!
Friday, November 17, 2006
We are still adopting, just don't worry if I don't shout it from the rooftops anymore.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Lord, Thank you so much for the promise that we will have children. Help me to not be disapointed that I may not ever get pregnant. Help me realize that once the children are in my arms it will seem as if I had them myself. Help keep us patient as we wait for the children you have for us. I thank you so much for all you have done for us. I love you!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Ok, one more thing (kind of off the subject a little) but I was given some more scripture that is very encouraging to me. I just have to share it. My friend Stephanie showed it to me when we were staying the night at their house last night. It's Isaiah 54:1-3
"Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband, says the Lord. Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords; strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will disposses nations and settle in their desolate cities."
Ok, I'll admit some of it is weird, but I just really felt a peace when I heard these verses. Especially the part about singing. Those who know me, know how much I love to sing. Steph (my friend) told me that we had better be prepared because she felt that God was going to overfill our house with children. I hope she's right. Well, maybe in a way. I still only want 3 at the most.
Lord, thank you for all you've done for us. You are so awesome and we just can't say thank you enough. We pray for continued healing for Scott's eye. We also pray that your will be done with having children. We feel that you want us to be parents, but we just don't know how yet. Help us be prepared for whatever you have in store for us. Again, thank you so much. I love you!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
I was also told once that when you hold that child in your arms that you adopted you don't think about not being able to have your own, because that little one is your own. That's one thing I've struggled with. I have always wanted to know what it feels like to be pregnant. To feel movement and know that a little one is growing inside of me. I'm not saying that it will never happen, but I feel a peace about it that I can't explain even if I never get to experience it. It's like I am already getting a taste of what it will feel like to hold that child in my arms. God is so good and I know that He does have a plan for us and that it will somehow include children. I can't wait to see how it happens and who they will be. I'm not saying that I won't have my days that I feel sad or even jealous, but I hope that I can cling to my verses that God gave to me and remember His promises.
Lord, Thank you so much for the peace you have given to me. I know scripture talks about the peace that passes all understanding, and I guess that is what I'm experiencing now. I pray for our children that wherever they are now, whether born or not, that you would keep them safe and let them know that they have a mommy and daddy that will love them forever and will be waiting for them. Help us to be patient while waiting for them (since you are in the middle of teaching us patience). Be with Scott and I as we travel back to Oklahoma City tomorrow and find out some more test results. Thank you for all the blessings you have given to us.
Well, my husband and I still don't have a baby. We can see now why God hasn't given us one, but it's still so hard. In April, cancer was found in my husband's eye and we've been doing treatments and surgeries since then, 4 rounds of chemo drops and 3 surgeries. It was thought to have been cleared up in May, after the first 2 surgeries, but 6 weeks later it showed up again. But the second time the Dr. sent us to Oklahoma City to see someone who has worked with this type of cancer. That was when we did the chemo drops. He had another surgery October 20th and right now we are waiting on some more biopsy reports, but we'll find out about them on Thursday of this week (9th). We're hoping that maybe we won't have to go back to Oklahoma City as often as we have been (every two weeks). It's just a pain to drive there every two weeks (it's 6 hours from here to OKC).
Even through all that, we would still love to have a baby. Sometimes I get so discouraged. I've even been mad at God a little bit for not giving me what I want (how selfish.....what a spoiled brat I am). It seems like every time I turn around someone else I know is having a baby. My brother just got married this summer (2 months after graduating from high school) now he and his wife are having a baby in April. Last year at this time my best friend was pregnant and so was another of my sis-in-laws. My friend had her baby this past March and my sis-in-law had hers in April (hard month, I was due in April). Now it's like dejavou (sp?).
God has given me a couple of verses to hold on to while I wait for His perfect timing on a baby.
"He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children"
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
I hope these verses speak to you in some way. Even if you aren't going through what we are going through. Remember God loves you! (I even have to remind myself)
Lord, I pray that your will be done in our situation. Help me be content where you have us at now. I pray that I can be an encouragement to others going through rough times. Thank you so much for the blessings that you have given to us. Give us strength to go on when we would like to give up. And Lord, I would like to ask for healing in Scott's eye. Please get rid of all the cancer and keep it from coming back. Thank you so much.