We went to the Dr. today. I feel like we aren't any further than we were yesterday. The tests from Scotts eye were for sure cancer, but the growth from his eyelid is still being tested, which means we don't know for sure whether it was cancer or not. He said it looked suspicious, but that is all we know. We go back to OKC in 3 weeks to find out for sure. But we were also told that they may have to do a minor surgery and take out some more from his eyelid. Will this never end? We are getting so frustrated and tired of all the traveling and the appointments. We just want it to all go away. Maybe if it would just go away we could focus on having the family that we want. Ok, I need to breathe. I need to remember the ways that God has worked through this. He has done some wonderful things (big and small). Through it, He has started to heal me a little more and even break my hard heart. He has also taken care of us better than we could ever have imagined. He has sent people to take care of us and blessed us with the finances to travel and pay the bills. What an awesome God we have. I have to tell the story that happend on Wednesday when we were getting ready to leave for OKC. I was getting some snacks and filling the car up with gas. When I went to pay for both things (at seperate stores) I was told that I was not allowed to pay for any of it, it had been taken care of already. I couldn't believe it. When Scott came home I tried to tell him and I broke down and started crying. I realized that I could not be mad at God anymore. (I have been getting mad at Him for not giving us a child). After seeing what He's done for us I just couldn't feel that way about Him anymore. It was quite an awakening. I was so shocked at one of the stores that I almost forgot to say thank you. Again, what an AWESOME God we have.
Ok, one more thing (kind of off the subject a little) but I was given some more scripture that is very encouraging to me. I just have to share it. My friend Stephanie showed it to me when we were staying the night at their house last night. It's Isaiah 54:1-3
"Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband, says the Lord. Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords; strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will disposses nations and settle in their desolate cities."
Ok, I'll admit some of it is weird, but I just really felt a peace when I heard these verses. Especially the part about singing. Those who know me, know how much I love to sing. Steph (my friend) told me that we had better be prepared because she felt that God was going to overfill our house with children. I hope she's right. Well, maybe in a way. I still only want 3 at the most.
Lord, thank you for all you've done for us. You are so awesome and we just can't say thank you enough. We pray for continued healing for Scott's eye. We also pray that your will be done with having children. We feel that you want us to be parents, but we just don't know how yet. Help us be prepared for whatever you have in store for us. Again, thank you so much. I love you!