Sunday, March 30, 2008

Getting the New Eye!

I guess the only thing to tell you is that this is what happened when Scott got his new eye. Because of the time it takes to upload pictures on our computer, I only uploaded some of the 44 pictures that we have. Enjoy....and I hope it doesn't gross anyone out too bad.

In the parking lot, getting ready to leave
for the dr's office.

Matching the eyeballs....ewww! I do need
to tell you that we watched him paint the eyeball.
He makes them right there on the spot (and he himself
paints them). He is very talented and was able to match
the color perfectly. Ask me how it's done and I'll explain how
it's would take up too much space to do it on here.

The Eyeball!

This was the eyeball before the eyelids
were sculpted.

Sculpting the eyelids...looks like peanut
butter all over his eye.

Looking better.

Perfecting the eyelids.

Can't even hardly tell that the eye is
not real.

Scott was really asleep when I took this
picture. This was the weirdest thing to
look at.

This is the real Scott coming out.
The eye was supposed to come out because
it wasn't glued into place earlier (it needed
to dry). We knew it would fall out, but weren't
expecting it quite so soon. We went to Olive Garden to eat and it came out while we were there......but it didn't fall in the spaghetti

Scott left the eye on the table at the motel for the night (we're glueing it in on Sunday morning). This was the weirdest thing to wake up to. It looks like someone just scooped out a part of Scott's face. It is very real looking.

Well, I hope you enjoyed looking at parts of the process of getting a new eye and eyelids. I have more pictures and if you are around me I will show you the photo album that I made with all the pictures.


Guess What!!! The meeting has been set. We find out if we get to adopt the girls on April 7th. I'm so excited and nervous. I can't believe it's really here....and yet I also think, what took them so long. I don't know if we will get them or not, but we are in the running and they will discuss us as a family at the meeting. Our social worker will be on the phone with them (conference call) and representing us. She will do her best to convince them that we should be the adoptive family. I hope so. Oh, now the next week will go by so slow....and I'll have a hard time concentrating (lol). Poor Sylvia (my boss). She won't know what to do with me. And especially on the 7th, I'll be a nervous wreck. The good thing is that the meeting is at 1:00 in the afternoon, so they probably won't come to a decision until after I'm home from work. Oh, I can't believe that we could find out we will be parents in a week....Please, Lord, grant this request of mine to be the mommy of two little girls that I just know are the most beautiful things in the world. Amen.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Please Pray!

The last post got too long, so I thought I would just do another one for this piece of news. I am going to the dr on Thursday. I'm a little nervous (just because of my last experience). I'm trying a new dr, so we'll see how it goes. My symptoms have been getting really bad. In fact I can't even hardly do anything because I double over in pain. If I sit down and stay still, I am ok. But if I stand or walk too much I'm on the floor in a hurry. There are other things going on, but I won't mention them ( I won't go there). I've been told my several people that I probably have endometriosis, and from all my research lately, I'm pretty sure that's what it is. It makes me a little nervous. I still can't help but think I will have to have a hysterectomy, but it's all in God's hands. And if it means that I get better and life gets back to normal, then I'm willing to do it. Scott is ok with me getting it all taken out, because if I do have endometriosis, the chances of cancer goes up. So I guess my main reason for this post is to have you pray for me that the dr would do the tests needed to find out the reason behind all the pain and other things. I don't think birth control is the answer. That's just a band-aid for the symptoms, not finding out the reason. I hope I can get some answers in a couple of days....and then after that we will hopefully get some news on the two girls also.


Ok, I bet you are wondering about the title to this post. It's sounds weird.....but it's what God is doing to me right now. I know it's for the best, but it does not make it any easier. I've already told my family this, and of course Scott knows about it, too. I will share it with you. Please don't fight me on this. I held off on telling my family about it because I feared that they would think I was giving up on my faith. I'm not giving up on my faith, in fact right now I have to have more faith than ever before. God has been speaking to me for awhile now and I've been fighting Him. It's been making me miserable in the process. God told me that I will never bear my own children.....yes, that is a very hard thing to take in. (that's why I've been fighting it). I've been angry, I've been in denial, and so many other things along the way. But now I'm coming to the acceptance part. Whenever I've told people that we are going to keep trying for our own it's been more trying to convince myself that it can happen. It won't happen, it's not part of God's plan for us. I asked Him the other night why it had to be me. "Why can't You pick on someone else, why me?" The answer?? (God speaking) "Melissa, why wouldn't I pick you?" In other words, God has specially picked me to love and raise children that will be on earth no matter what and will just be tossed away. Even Scott told me that I have a gift to love other peoples children. This is not an easy thing to digest. It's been my life's desire to get pregnant and enjoy a life growing inside me. But it's not going to happen. It's still hard to see a pregnant woman, and I will still go through some grieving (who wouldn't), but I have given it up to God. I'm putting my faith and trust in Him to give us the children that we so desire. Maybe it will be the two girls (still haven't heard anything). I am now praying that God will allow us to adopt an infant so I can experience that part (even though so many people tell me I'm lucky if I can skip that). I still hang on to the idea that I will see three babies in Heaven that started out life in my womb, but were called home. Actually, I got a poem from a friend that I would like to share. It brought tears to my eyes, and then I printed it out to hang on my wall.

In Heaven there must surely be
A special place, a nursery
Where 'little spirits' not fully grown
Go to live in their Heavenly home.

The angels must attend with love
Tiny spirits on wings of doves,
The choir of angels must sing lullabies
Maybe quieten their tiny cries.

The Father must come by each day
To cuddle and play in a special way
These tiny spirits left earth too soon
Little ones called Home from the womb.

These sparks of life did not perish
But came to the Father's love to cherish,
To grow and be taught in His own arms
Safely away from all earthly harm.

The comforter was sent to earth at once
To the parents who lost their little one
Their hearts so ache, their arms feel empty
The question 'why' seems so tempting.

Then all at once in the midst of tears
There comes a peace that stills the fears
The parents share the Father's own need
To hold their tiny spirit being.

They relinquish their own desperate hold
And release their baby to the Father's fold,
Then comes an angel to whisper the truth
Of a nursery in Heaven bearing rich fruit

Of tiny spirits chosen to worship the Father
A place that couldn't be filled by another,
Called to be spared from the struggles of earth,
Chosen to be one of Heaven's births.

So Father, whisper words of love from me
To our unborn 'life' in your nursery.

(isn't that beautiful?)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

A Blessing From God

I will be the first to admit that I've been through a lot in my 26 years in this world. Yes, there are those that have been through worse than me, but during my trials I feel like I'm worse off than anyone else ever could be. (that would be my selfish nature coming out) And I know deep down that even in all the bad that happens, God has a good and perfect plan for me. He can turn something bad into something good. I have had moments when I clearly see that and this is one of them. And right now I feel like all that I've been through is worth it, if it helps another person. Ok, if I was in the middle of it I would not be thinking that. I'm not one of those people that gets a flat tire and says "Praise the Lord!" No, I get mad just like anyone else would. But then later when I see how it kept me from a fatal car accident I do thank God for what He did. If my trials can help another person or encourage them to go on, I can make it through. I should feel blessed that even if my girls didn't get to live on earth, they are touching lives. What a proud mommy moment. (it doesn't make me miss them any less). If nothing else good comes from this blog, I hope that it can encourage someone that is going through hard times. I remember at one time on my blog I prayed that God would use it to bless someone. Thank you, Jesus, that you used it for a good purpose. It's always after the rain and the storm that you see the rainbow.....and aren't rainbows such a beautiful blessing from God?

Monday, March 10, 2008

A little bit of news!!!

I had to blog about this. I just got a little bit of news from my social worker. They should have the meeting planned by this Friday. So we could find out within a couple weeks (for real this time) that we are going to have two little girls. My heart is pounding, I'm so excited. But I'm even more nervous than excited. I think about what if they don't pick us.....then I think...what if they do pick us???? These are the same feelings that I get when I have suspected that I'm pregnant. I will so keep everyone posted. This is so exciting.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

For my girls

Dear Angel and Amanda,
Mommy misses you so much. I've been thinking about you a lot. It's getting closer to when it would have been your birthday. We have our names submitted to adopt two little girls. If we get them we will have two little girls just like we were supposed to have. Are you keeping your great-grandpa in line? He can be ornery, but he's a lot of fun. I bet you already know all that. I told him before he went to Heaven that he needed to take care of you two. Actually, I told him about your older brother, also. I hope you found him too. I know he has a different daddy than you do, but he is still just as special. You all three have the same heavenly Father, and he's the one who takes care of you now. I can't tell you how much I really do miss you guys. I wish I could have held you and kept you for a while longer. Well, I have to go for now. Remember how much I love you.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

I think I figured it out

I think I figured it out........I figured out why I've been so baby sensitive lately. My baby Amanda Joy was supposed to be born in the month of April (or end of March) and I've been grieving over her. I never really took the time to grieve over her when she died in August. I made myself be tough and not cry over her like I should have. My anger is part of the grieving's normal. And it's good that I've been letting it out. Now I just need to go have a good cry and let it all out. I do have a letter that I wrote to Amanda in September. I think I will share it.

I know you wn't be able to recieve this letter, but I want to write it to you. We chose your name because the meaning is true. We love you even if we never got to meet you or know you. You are already in Heaven but I hope you found your sister, Angel. YOu make sure she takes care of you. She's been in Heaven for 2 years now so she'll show you around. We miss you both so much. We're trying so hard to adopt a little boy, so if we do you'll have an older brother. We'll tell him about you. I hope in remembering you we pay attention to your middle name. We need to remember to have the joy of the Lord in all situations. We also have to remember Angel's middle name, Faith. We have to keep the faith as well as joy. We can't wait to meet you at the gates of Heaven. God will let you know when we're coming. I love you more than you know.

Can I add as a sidenote (I just realized this too) that I think God chose the names that we picked for our little girls. Faith and Joy.....those are the two things I am struggling with now.....Ok, God, I get the message.

another added note: I didn't mention this in the letter, but the meaning that i found for the name Amanda that made me choose it was "she who must be loved"