I think I figured it out........I figured out why I've been so baby sensitive lately. My baby Amanda Joy was supposed to be born in the month of April (or end of March) and I've been grieving over her. I never really took the time to grieve over her when she died in August. I made myself be tough and not cry over her like I should have. My anger is part of the grieving process.....it's normal. And it's good that I've been letting it out. Now I just need to go have a good cry and let it all out. I do have a letter that I wrote to Amanda in September. I think I will share it.
I know you wn't be able to recieve this letter, but I want to write it to you. We chose your name because the meaning is true. We love you even if we never got to meet you or know you. You are already in Heaven but I hope you found your sister, Angel. YOu make sure she takes care of you. She's been in Heaven for 2 years now so she'll show you around. We miss you both so much. We're trying so hard to adopt a little boy, so if we do you'll have an older brother. We'll tell him about you. I hope in remembering you we pay attention to your middle name. We need to remember to have the joy of the Lord in all situations. We also have to remember Angel's middle name, Faith. We have to keep the faith as well as joy. We can't wait to meet you at the gates of Heaven. God will let you know when we're coming. I love you more than you know.
Can I add as a sidenote (I just realized this too) that I think God chose the names that we picked for our little girls. Faith and Joy.....those are the two things I am struggling with now.....Ok, God, I get the message.
another added note: I didn't mention this in the letter, but the meaning that i found for the name Amanda that made me choose it was "she who must be loved"