I've been thinking today (which means it was a good day), will I really be able to love a child that I've adopted as much as a child I give birth to? Am I really ok with adopting instead of having our own children? And for now the answer to these questions is YES!!! For some reason I feel this stirring in my heart that somewhere out there (whether they have been born or not) that our children are out there. God has them picked out already. I know I've had people tell me that before, but I guess sometimes a person has to find things out on their own. My mom told me once that it takes a special person to adopt and love a child that is not your own, and that I am one of those special ones (and Scott too). I can't explain it, but I just feel this love in my heart, I feel like it could just burst because it's so filled with love.
I was also told once that when you hold that child in your arms that you adopted you don't think about not being able to have your own, because that little one is your own. That's one thing I've struggled with. I have always wanted to know what it feels like to be pregnant. To feel movement and know that a little one is growing inside of me. I'm not saying that it will never happen, but I feel a peace about it that I can't explain even if I never get to experience it. It's like I am already getting a taste of what it will feel like to hold that child in my arms. God is so good and I know that He does have a plan for us and that it will somehow include children. I can't wait to see how it happens and who they will be. I'm not saying that I won't have my days that I feel sad or even jealous, but I hope that I can cling to my verses that God gave to me and remember His promises.
Lord, Thank you so much for the peace you have given to me. I know scripture talks about the peace that passes all understanding, and I guess that is what I'm experiencing now. I pray for our children that wherever they are now, whether born or not, that you would keep them safe and let them know that they have a mommy and daddy that will love them forever and will be waiting for them. Help us to be patient while waiting for them (since you are in the middle of teaching us patience). Be with Scott and I as we travel back to Oklahoma City tomorrow and find out some more test results. Thank you for all the blessings you have given to us.