Wednesday, December 20, 2006

It's not over till the fat lady sings

Remember the saying, "It's not over till the fat lady sings?" Well, the fat lady sang this past weekend. I'm not pregnant. I know that for a fact....I got a special visitor (ladies you know who I mean). Man, that stinks. Oh, well, the good thing is that I knew when I ovulated. Maybe my body is finally doing what it's supposed to. We are still planning on adopting, so I have that to look forward to. Plus, I've decided that before I get pregnant I would like to lose about 50 pounds. I know I don't have to, but I would like to. They say it makes for a healthier pregnancy, and you can lose the baby weight faster. Plus with me having pre-diabetes, it is just healthier for me to be at a lower weight. If I lose 50 pounds I will barely be in the overweight category, so I'm happy with that, but if for some reason I can lose more than that I would love it. I think the best weight for me would be around 135-145 pounds, but right now I'll settle for 150. Ok, I just realized that I told everyone what I weigh....but good news is that it won't be for long. I started exercising regularly and I keep very close track of what I eat...which helps me cut back on my eating. So if you happen to talk to me you can ask me how it's going with my weight loss. I can use all the encouragement I can get. I'm not a very disciplined person, so I tend to give up easily. Don't let me do that. I've been told that with my PCOS, that if I can lose weight that it can help me get pregnant without drugs, so I'm gonna try it. And if it doesn't work, we still have Clomid to try. And we are going to adopt no matter what (at least 1 or 2 kids). It's so funny, I thought I would be disappointed that I wasn't pregnant, but I keep thinking that now I can lose weight and have a better pregnancy if/when I do get pregnant. It's still kind of hard when I think about those around me getting pregnant, but at least for now I know that God has a plan for Scott and I, and it's a plan bigger than we could ever imagine.

Really quick I want to tell you a story (don't get sad or feel sorry for's just thoughts). But Scott and I were talking the other day (when I still thought I was pregnant) and he said that he gets this feeling that God is going to let us adopt or get pregnant and then take him home. I had that same thought just a few days before he said anything. Now, I don't know that these thoughts will come true, but I thought I would share them with those close to me. I can't get myself to verbalize these thoughts so I can't tell anyone in person, but for some reason it's easier for me to type my thoughts. It could just be the way our minds are thinking....maybe a fear we have deep down. But I've always had this feeling that my time with Scott would be precious, but shorter than I would like it to be. I don't know......I can't say anything for sure....look at how the pregnancy thing turned out. Ok, now that I have that off my chest....I guess the best thing would be to pray about it....which I should have done first.

Lord, I thank you for being here with me. I am so glad that even though I wasn't pregnant that I'm still able to worship you and love you. I pray that you would be with us as we continue to battle this cancer. Be with us on Jan. 4th as we go back to OKC. I pray for the Christmas season, that we would all remember the real reason for celebrating. Keep safe those who are traveling. Thank you so much for the family that I have and that we are so close. I also pray for the thoughts that Scott and I had. I pray that if they aren't from you that you would take them away, and if for some reason they are from you as a preparation for the future, then be with us and comfort us and guide us. Thank you so much for all you've done....for coming down as a baby and then later on dying for our sins and saving us from Hell. You are awesome. I love you!

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