Saturday, May 03, 2008
I guess it's about time I blogged again. I'm not sure what to say. Not a lot has been going on lately. Well, I guess I could talk about the service that I had this past Sunday in Alta Vista (and of course we had a concert there). Ok, I'll start with the concert. Our band (Ever After--Everlasting...lol) played in Alta Vista last Saturday. It rained....and it was freezing cold. It was miserable, but it was worth it to sing and play. But nothing compared to doing the worship at my parents church. That is what I was created to do was sing worship music....well, we all were, but you know what I mean. And I did get to sing that song that really spoke to me. It was a very powerful song and I amost cried when I sang it. But the most important part of the weekend happened Sunday afternoon before we left for home. We had a service in memory of our two babies. It was a beautiful service. And it was kind of odd, it was beautiful during the service (which was outside), but in a matter of minutes after it was done it got cold and cloudy....Thank you God! I had music and poems (even Scott read a poem and two verses). I read one poem and made a total fool of myself with my crying. But it's all good. Then we lit candles (2 pink ones) and we did it like a unity candle....my hands were shaking so bad. It was very good for me to have this closure. It's helped already. To be perfectly honest as of a week and half ago Scott and I were going to seperate....really. It's been so stressful with me grieving the loss of our daughters and then to be rejected with the adoption. It was just too much for me, and Scott didn't know what to do. One night we fought, very bad, and we both decided that maybe we should just go our seperate ways. Things are so much better now. I pray that no one ever decides that seperation is a way to solve marriage problems. I'm glad that we stuck it through and let God heal us. We are still cautious about what we say to each other and how we treat each other, but I bet that's a good thing. We will be stronger after all of this. Now we just have to make the decision to try and adopt again (I'm against this one), try some more fertility treatments (I don't know about this one financially), or just stay childless (can I handle that one?). It is so hard. And then I get frustrated with all my womanly problems, which does affect our marriage (intimately). I'm still waiting for a dr to give me some clear answers as to what is going on. Ok, I started out saying that I didn't have much to say, and look at how much I've said already. I've skipped around on a lot of subjects. But I should go. I need to get motivated around my house, but I get so tired and worn out (iron deficency?). I'll try and keep my blog more updated. God Bless you all!!!