Sunday, May 03, 2009

Also this week

  • I do have one major prayer request for me (and maybe I'm just venting my fears). But I have a dr. appt. this coming wednesday with my "woman" dr. I'm nervous and afraid of what is coming. I have not shared this with anyone but my family and my husband, but I don't think my body is doing some very good things. I've been having some bad symptoms in the past couple months and while it could be other things, these symptoms can be linked to cervical/ovarian/uterine cancer. With all the problems I've had I do have an increased risk of these cancers, so I've always had my alert higher and looking for these signs. They are uncomfortable and they do interfere with my normal, everyday life. I can see the dr wanting to for sure do another D&C, but I'm afraid that it's getting so bad that she's going to suggest a hysterectomy soon (maybe not this summer, but in a couple years). While I would give up these parts to keep from suffering from cancer, it is very hard on me because if I have a hysterectomy my chances of having a baby becomes zero, zippo, nothing. This will be hard for me. I will get through it, but it will take some grieving. I might just grieve as if I lost another baby. Ok, now I'm talking as if this will for sure happen. I need to not do that. But I do need to know that it could be a reality very shortly. I know earlier I posted about having "God-feelings" and feeling like a person knew that something was going to happen. Well, I've had this funny feeling about me and my woman stuff and that I will be losing all those parts within the next few years. I hope that my feeling is wrong this time, but it is the same feeling that I had before Scott and I found out about his eye cancer. It was like God was preparing us for it. Well, sometimes I feel like God might be preparing me for this. I just hope that I can get past whatever happens on Wednesday. Scott is going with me, but I'm still nervous. I don't know what all the dr can do on that day, it will probably take more dr appts, but at least this is a start. Just pray for me that I will have the peace of God between now and then and during the appt.

1 comment:

mamma2 said...

I pray everything goes o.k. for you.