Thursday, February 07, 2008
Well, here I am still waiting for news from the social worker. Sometimes I really wish that God didn't think that I needed to learn patience. It is the hardest lesson for me to learn. I say that because I really have yet to learn patience. But I have learned that I should not ask for patience....cause then God gives me the practice....lol. Anyway, I figured so many people are really wondering about the adoption situation....and you all know about as much as I do whether or not we will get the girls. One thing that I am excited about is that I'm going to see my family this weekend. I don't know how many times I have cried over missing them. It's so hard when I don't really have a lot of people that I hang out with when they are gone. It also doesn't help that Scott and I get so busy that we can't hardly find time to spend with other people. But maybe that's just my escape. To be perfectly honest, I've really been struggling with a little bit of depression. Nothing serious, just enough that I don't feel like myself. Sometimes I get to feeling so left out. I feel like my music is pretty much non-existent.....and that's hard for me. And of course I'm like the only person in the world that does not have children, and that's the hardest for me. I go back and forth when I think about the girls. somedays I think.....oh we'll get them for sure. There's no way they won't pick us. and then other days I sit down and think.....they'll never pick us, we're not ever going to be parents. I don't know.....I can't even hardly explain the feelings that I've had. I have done a good job of putting on a mask so that people don't question me....and that includes my husband. it's just so hard to try and explain what I'm feeling when I don't quite understand it myself. Ok, this turned into one big vent session. That is not what I started out doing. And I hope that I don't depress anyone. That was not my intention. Well, I better go. I guess I will try and remember to keep posting so everyone knows how we are doing. Love you all!