Thursday, February 19, 2009


I honestly can't explain my feelings right now.  I've been struggling so much lately.  Even before the baby.  I don't know what's going on.  Scott thinks I need counseling and maybe even medication.  Maybe he's right, I don't know.  Things are so unsettled right now.  So often I hear that little voice in my head (not literally...I'm not that crazy) that tells me I'm not good enough and that I should just leave my family.  I've shared this with Scott (so that it's out in the open now) and he's helping me with it.  But I've even went as far as packing my clothes and getting ready to leave my family.  I know it's sounds so silly.  I never thought in my wildest dreams that I ever would even consider that, but when that thought goes through my head it seems so rational and like the right solution that I just have to consider it.  Please just pray for me right now.  I know this part is hard for me to admit, but I think I take after my birth mother so much and I have to break that.  Maybe I do need counseling and medication.  I don't know.  I just can't even seem to get out of bed in the mornings.  I used to love my job and now I dread going to it.  I used to love the kids and have a passion for them, and now I just can't seem to make myself care.  It's like my heart is hardening.  Well, I'll try and post more later.  Please pray hard for me.  I need help.  


Anonymous said...

Lord, I just want to pray right now for my dear friend that is having a hard time in life. Lord, please show her what she needs to do to get through this time. Lord, just bless Melissa as she struggles. Lord, please help those of us around her lift her up when she needs it. Lord most of all just surround Melissa at this time.


Anonymous said...

Melissa, I read your blog and I had to write to you. You say you are good enough to be loved and needed, but who is say that we are not good enough GOD put us all here for a reason, I don't know you very well but whar I have seen of you you are a great person and have so much to give with you singing and all that you do. We all wonder why things happen like thy do but there is a reason and we will all find out why some day . Hang in there we will pray for you and hope you get well soon, Scott needs you and so do a lot of people.