I don't have patience

Hello everyone. I haven't posted anymore pictures of Scott in a while, but I do have some that I need to get on here. I just don't have my camera with me at the computer. He has been just as ornery about putting funny things on his patch. And yesterday I got to go watch them change the packing in the eye socket. It's really not that bad. I guess I've become numb to all that with having to change the patch all the time. But it was cool, the hole is only big enough to put a marble in....and my dad said at first it was big enough to put a golf ball in it.

Well, now on to why I wanted to blog today. Yesterday, not only did we get the packing changed, but Scott had an appt to have a chest x-ray and a ct scan of his chest and abdomen. Usually that's not so bad, but I'm so nervous about it. They had him come in because when they did his blood work his liver count was up. This can mean many things, but one thing is cancer. With Scott's history you can see why I'm nervous. We don't know the results as of now, but they are supposed to get them any day. They thought it might be today, but we didn't get any phone calls from them. I hope it wasn't much of anything that made his levels go up. It just scares me because the type of cancer he had in his eye is known to spread......to the liver usually. Well, I gotta go and get ready to go to Scott City. Everyone have a wonderful day. I'll post those pictures sometime in the next day or two.

What a wacky, crazy, husband I have!

Here are a couple of pictures of Scott again. He has been really creative and has some more great ideas fothe rest of the week. The picture with the Christmas Tree was from last Friday and the other picture is from today. I took two angles for the last picture. It looks a little gross, but the Pollock Family in Alta Vista knows what it really is. Here goes....

By the way...that's supposed to be a postage stamp....notice the 41 in the corner?

It's a plastic eyeball that came from some funny glasses Scott got for Christmas from my parents. Here, I'll show you the picture of the glasses...

Boy did we have a fun weekend at my parents house. It started out very interesting. I'll leave that for another post. This one is interesting enough and I have to keep you all coming back for more funny stories.

Here he goes again...

I think I will be posting almost everyday for awhile. Just to post the pictures of Scott. He has come up with some really great ideas for his eye patch. Keep checking for the latest.

Batter Up.....



Enjoy the wacky mind of my husband. :)

When life gives you lemons.....

You know the saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"? I think that is my husband's new favorite saying. You would not believe what he did today. Ok, if you know him you would believe it. He decided to have some fun with his eye patch. He drew an eye on it....well, just look for yourself:




You better believe that it's never boring at our house with Scott around. I hope this brightens everyones day. Everyone have a very Merry Christmas. I should be able to blog in the next couple of days. We are expected to have some major winter weather tonight and all day tomorrow. Have a great day.

It's been too long....again.

When I was up in Monnesota a few weeks ago, my Grandma and my sister-in-law told me that I needed to start blogging again. I was told that they look forward to it. So I decided to get started....again. We've been so busy since February (the last post). Most people that read this will know that Scott lost his eye in October. So I guess all the posts that said I was tired of the cancer and wanted it gone are over. We don't have any cancer to worry about anymore....as long as it didn't spread. Now I guess we need to start thinking about starting our family. I'm a little leary yet. We had a little boy in our home and let's just say that he was great birth control. I even told Scott I wanted to quit "trying." So we were actually in preventive mode. That is until we went to Minn. at the beginning of November. We had a little "fling" and now it has me wondering if I'm pregnant. I've been having symptoms (like getting sick, food cravings, sore areas on my body, etc.). I keep waiting for the "special visitor", but she won't show up. Is it my time? Was God just waiting for me to really give it up? And trust me I had given it up. I even told people I refused to have kids after that little boy. I think my words were something like, "I am never having kids after this little boy." Now that I think of it, Scott told people he was never getting married and then he married me like 2 or 3 years later. (which means he met me shortly after he said that). Scott told me around the time that I maybe got pg that he felt that God was telling him we were going to get a blessing. But he wasn't sure what kind of blessing. Then my Grandma Gayle told me that she prayed very hard that same week that we would concieve. If I am pg, the baby is due around Scott's birthday (July 26). And then I've had those people tell me they think I'm having twins.....I guess we'll see.
Now I'm rambling really bad. That's what happens when you don't blog for months and months. I'm hoping to make this a regular part of life again. Scott told me that it's good for me to blog. I get all my feelings out and others can see what's going on with us. I guess if I am pg you will all know it very shortly. Maybe it can be our way of giving a great Christmas present to everyone. I've always wanted to announce our pregnancy at Christmas. Well, I'll stop for now so this isn't too long. And if I forget to blog regularly, remind me to do it. I guess I will end this like I used to end my posts.

Lord, I've been struggling. I've had some losses in my life lately. Our baby Amanda Joy in August, Scott's eye in October, and my Grandpa in November. Lord, please help me to lean on you in all this. I also pray that Your will would be done in this pg situation. I will choose to love you no matter what. If I'm pg I will love you and if I'm not I will still love you. You know what is best for us and even if we want something you know when it's the best timing for us to have it. Thank you so much for all you have done for us. I love you!

Gosh, time goes by way too fast and I get way too busy with things. I need to start remembering that I have to blog. That way people know what's going on with my life. As far as the cancer goes we are waiting right now. We had the surgery to take out the tissue and then the pathologist in OKC did their stuff and then they wanted to get a second opinion so they sent it on to Atlanta Georgia. So we find out on the 15th of Feb. (just in time for my b-day). We do have another appointment this Tuesday so we go down Monday and come home Tuesday afternoon/evening. These trips are getting so old.

Ok, on to some news that's alot more interesting. The couple that we stay with in OKC are friends with some foster parents down there. Well, I got a phone call from Steph (the wife) and she said this foster mother wanted to know if she knew anyone interested in adopting a little baby girl. She immediately thought of us. Steph called me and asked if we were still looking into adopting. I told her yes, that we had just put it on hold for a little bit. She wants us to look very hard into adopting this little baby. I don't know how it will work (if it even will) but I'm so excited. Scott told me that he's very excited. I don't want to get too excited because we don't even know yet if it will work, but wouldn't that be great. Steph thinks that the baby is between 4 and 6 months old. So it would be so much fun to get her. She's just the age that I wanted to be able to adopt. And I wanted to adopt a girl so bad. I hope we can get a bunch of people praying that it might work out. I had just decided that it would be best to wait and have kids later ( I wanted to work for a year first). My plan was that I was going to lose weight between now and our anniversary (October) and then we would try and get pregnant with some drugs. I was going to try and find a job for the school year and then get pregnant sometime between our anniversary and Christmas to have the baby in the summer. Maybe by me giving it all up to God and not pushing it, I'm going to get it sooner than I think (just without the pregnancy). Wouldn't that just be awesome. I told my mom about it and she got excited and told me it would be great to have two grandkids in the same year. AAAAAHHHHH!!! I guess so much for not getting too excited. LOL!

Lord, I just pray that your will be done in our lives. If you want us to adopt this little baby girl, then you will make it happen. Help us to be patient and to wait on you for everything. If this isn't what you want for us yet, please give us the wisdom to know. We want your timing in our lives. Thank you so much for all you have done. I also pray that the results from the labs in Atlanta come back as NO CANCER. But even in that we pray that your will be done. Give us the strength to take whatever the news is. We love you so much. Amen.

My God-Story

Ok, I promised that I would tell you all about my God-story from Oklahoma City. Here it is:

I got to go back with Scott to get prepped for surgery (IV in and change clothes, etc.) and when they took him to the O.R. I had to go to the waiting room. When I got out there, I saw a woman in a wheelchair. She wheeled over to me and said, "It's my husbands wheelchair, I'm just using it while he's in surgery." I thought, ok, no problem, none of my business. She commented to me about the artwork on the walls (which was beautiful). But then she came over and put the chair next to me and started telling me about her husband and how sick he was and how many problems she's had (which I have to admit at first made me feel very weird). I kept thinking, ok, enough, I don't know you so please leave me alone. But I kept my mouth shut and listened. She told me how her husband has diabetes, he's had many eye surgeries, and that now his kidneys aren't working and he's on dialasis because he doesn't qualify for a kidney transplant. She's had a couple of knee surgeries and finds it hard to care for her husband so he was in a home for awhile. He was in having cataract surgery at the time. I was feeling bad for her and their situation and figured that she must just need to vent and get it out, so I let her keep going. When she got done telling me about their health problems, she asked me who I was waiting for. I told her my husband and that he was having surgery on his eye because he has had cancer. She told me that it was too bad because we were so young, but she added that we needed to trust in God everyday because that was the only thing that was going to get us through. When she said that, she had my undivided attention. Not many people are going to say that in the middle of the waiting room to a complete stranger. So I agreed with her that we needed to do that and that prayer was one of the only things that kept us going at times. Well, that started a great conversation with her. She told me some stories about her and her husband that I thought were awesome. She said that they were just about broke because of their health problems and that her husband couldn't work anymore. But since he's in a wheelchair they had needed a van that was wheelchair accessable. So, she prayed about it and the next thing she knew someone was asking her if she knew of anyone needing a van. This person was wanting to give away a van (for free) to someone needing it. So she got her van. Then they needed a wheelchair lift, so she prayed for that. I can't remember all the details but she ended up talking to someone and they wanted to know if she knew of anyone needing a wheelchair lift built into a van. There was a group of guys that built those for community service projects (like from prison or something.....I don't know) but again God provided what they needed. Her story inspired me to trust in God and let Him do a work in our lives. About that time her husband was out of surgery and she went back to see him. She came back out with him a bit later and wheeled him over to the door. Then she walked over to me, sat next to me on the couch and asked if she could pray for me and Scott. I was so overwhelmed I could hardly say yes. And then I could hardly keep from crying. I told her when she was done praying that I would pray for her and her husband and she said she would pray for us. I just know that she was sent from God to encourage me and lift me up. I needed it just at that time. I don't know where she lives, what her last name is, or even her husbands name. I only heard the nurse say her name, Susan. I don't know if I will ever see Susan again or ever get to talk to her, but I know that I will always remember her and the encouragement I got from her. I can't wait to see her again in Heaven if I don't see her on Earth again. Thank you, Lord for sending people into our lives to encourage us.

Winter in more than one way

I have decided that it's winter in more than one way. It is winter outside (and it's a bad winter) with snow and ice. But it also seems like winter in our lives. It seems like we are at the lowest point of our lives (together). We have been fighting the cancer for almost a year now and I have to say that I'm sick of it. There are times that I just want to scream, hit, or throw something. I can't wait until the spring, literally and in our lives. I can't wait until this is all over and we can start over fresh and new without the cancer. Maybe if that happens we can start to worry about getting pregnant again. Looking back it seems silly that we worried so much (ok, I worried so much) about trying to get pregnant. I want kids, but I couldn't imagine going through this cancer with kids to take care of. Oh, I would do it if I had to, but isn't it great how God does know what is best in our lives. All I can say is: "Hurry up, Spring!"

Ok, now to let you all in on what's happening so far. Of course we had Scott's surgery and that all went well and the eye is healing great, (and I still have to share my God story). We go back on Monday and I'm guessing we will find out the results then. If the results say no cancer, then we are done for now (unless it comes back). But, if it is cancer we go again for surgery and they will take enough of the eyelid that the eyelid will have to be reconstructed. I'm a little scared, but I shouldn't be I guess (0r should I). Scott is feeling good right now, the eye isn't as swollen and it's not as purple (it's more red now). I hope he can handle another surgery if we have to. He should, he's tough. And I'll be right there for him.

Ok, I have to share this (only because it turned out so well) but this morning Scott was going to Hays for something at work and he and another guy took a Sharp Bros. truck. Well, about 11:30 he called me and told me he had been in an accident. Ok, I stayed pretty calm (unlike me) and he told me nobody was hurt and that they were ok, just shaken up. He said they were on interstate and they were going over a bridge and a semi was trying to pass them. I guess they lost control and thought they were going over the bridge, thank goodness they made it past the bridge, missed the semi, and just ended up in the ditch. He said they didn't roll, but they almost did. If I had known how bad it was out there I wouldn't have felt ok about him going. I would have made him stay home (if that's even possible). But at least no one was hurt. The ironic thing was that one of my first thoughts was, "I would rather have him alive to fight the cancer than gone." I mean come on, I want the cancer gone, but when his life is threatened by something else I pray that he sticks around to fight the cancer. It's funny how a person thinks sometimes. Well, I'm gonna go hang out with my sister. I'll try and remember to come back and tell my God story and let everyone know how things are going. We love you all!

Cancer, surgery, more cancer, more surgery

Ok, it's been way too long since I posted. We've been so busy it's not funny. Of course I posted when I was in Topeka about the ice storm and being stuck and then we went right from Topeka to our appointment in Oklahoma City (4th), then home and I started babysitting on Monday (8th) and then we had a very last minute trip to Oklahoma City again this past week when our new Dr wanted to do another biopsy on Scott's eyelid and that happened on Friday (12th). Wow! What a crazy couple of weeks. And just before that was Christmas which can get to be hectic just in itself. Ok, I bet everyone wants details about the surgery and how things went. I'll start from the beginning and then when I'm at the end....I'll stop. (I kind of stole that from a line out of Disney's Alice in Wonderland...hehe). Here goes:

Ok, at our last appointment in December (can't remember the date) we went to see a new doctor, a plastic surgeon, because Dr. Chodosh wanted to get another biopsy of Scott's eyelid and wanted the plastic surgeon to do it. We were kind of discouraged after that appointment because we felt like they didn't know what they were doing and well, we were just frustrated that we still weren't done with the cancer. Then we went in on the 4th of January and the Dr's knew more of what they wanted to do. The plastic surgeon (I won't type his name because I can't spell it) told us that we had two options with getting the tissue for the biopsy. He was going to either take the whole lesion or just take a "cookie cutter" and cut out circles of tissue to send in. Each one was going to have it's risks. If they took out the whole thing they had to go deep enough into the tissue of the eyelid that Scott would have to have reconstruction done and the function would probably never be the same. If he took out the circles then what if the cancer seeded deeper into the eyelid, would the chances of the cancer be greater? What if they took out the whole thing, messed up the function and then it turned out not to be cancer? But what if it was? Which risks were better to take? We were given until the 10th to decide what we wanted to do. We chatted with our families and got their opinions. Then we took what they said and came up with more questions for the Dr. (by the way our families wanted us to get the whole thing out whether it was cancer or not). We called both Dr's and talked again with them on the 8th and 9th. We were also told that we had to make a quick decision because there was an open surgery time on Friday (12th). We finally made our decision and told him to take the circles out for the biopsy. So on we went back down to OKC.

Scott's surgery went very well. We had to be there at 7:45 and surgery was at 9:00. It was a shorter surgery than the last one and they didn't put him out completely. He was just really drugged up and was half in and out. He was able to talk to them and they were able to talk to him. But I had a God moment in the waiting room while I was there. I won't tell you that story yet, but I will blog about it next time. It was so cool. But anyway, he got out of surgery at about 9:45 and we were able to leave about 10:00 or 10:15. The only bad thing about having the surgery when we did was that there was an ice storm going through OKC that started on Thursday night went on Friday and didn't let up until this morning (Saturday) We left anyway to come home and went through the 2nd one that was heading their way and made it home before the third one, which is supposed to hit tomorrow (Sunday). I guess that's the price you pay when you have cancer (or the possibility of more). We will find out this next week whether it is cancer or not in the eyelid. If it's not than we are done for now unless it comes back. But if it is, we look at another surgery for sure to take out the whole thing (which will ruin the eyelid) and I don't know if they will do the reconstruction during that surgery or have another surgery later. But if that happens Scott's eye will never look the same. I will accept it because it means the cancer will be gone, but his eyes are so beautiful (am I allowed to say that about a guys eyes?) that I might be a little sad. So now we are back to the familiar game of "Wait and See." We go back for sure on the 22nd of January to see the plastic surgeon and then to see Dr. Chodosh on February 13th. Oh, I want it to be over so bad. Then there's always the thought that the cancer has already spread and is just waiting to show it's ugly face. We were told that it could be somewhere else and just waiting to show up at a later time. I really hope not. But I guess we deal with it if it happens.

What kind of stinks right now is that I seem to get stressed out about all the trips, the thought of the cancer taking my husband, and other things, and when I'm stressed I tend to eat more and that does not work when you are trying to lose weight. I'm not one of those that loses weight when stressed or nervous, I eat and gain weight. Plus, being gone so much doesn't help me develop an exercise schedule. Ok, this should be the last thing on my mind while fighting cancer with my husband, but I just can't help it. I want to lose the weight for him, so he can have a better looking wife. Well, that's all all for now, but I'll blog in the next day or so and tell you my God story from the waiting room.

Still in Topeka

Well, here I am still in Topeka. We were supposed to leave today and go home, but we can't. They have declared a state of emergency where we are from. The people in our hometown told us we are to stay where we are. There is no power, no water, and they don't think we will have power until the middle of next week (maybe). We are leaving here on Wednesday, but not to go home. We are going to OKC for Scott's next cancer appt. (more about that in another paragraph). I'm torn right now. I don't want to go home because I dread what is going on there and I guess I would like to be away from it to pretend it didn't happen, but at the same time I am anxious to get home to be with the family that I have there. They are there trying to stay warm and sane in all the mess. We will try to get home on Thursday or Friday, but we don't know if we will even go home then, but I think we are going to try. It seems so weird that our town is going through all of this. Maybe it would seem more real if we were there in it. I hope everything turns out ok. I guess we will always remember this New Years. I also wonder if my brother and sister (in-law) are going to get sick of us. They said that they are glad that we got to stay, but there may come a time in the next day that they are so ready for us to go home. I don't want to wear out our welcome, that would not be cool.Ok, I guess on to the other paragraph I was talking about. I am so worried about Scott. My parents are worried too. My dad just talked to someone from Minnesota who had a son diagnosed with ocular melanoma and he only live about a year to a year and a half. My dad thinks that with all the recurrences we should have the Dr just take the whole eyeball and eyelid. I'm so torn, I would love it if they could save the eye, but if it means my husband living, I am ready for them to just take it out and get rid of it. I think about what I mentioned in one of my other blogs (about him dying) and I pray that it doesn't happen. But I will say that he has two more spots on his eyeball that look like the others did. I was hoping that 2007 would bring us a year without cancer (since we spent 3/4 of last year dealing with it). But it looks like the beginning of this year will be a continuation of last year. I hope I have the strength to go on. It's interesting really, I have found myself just sitting near Scott and trying to memorize all the looks he gets. I would love to start taking pictures of him just in case. I just stare at him hoping that if anything happens to him that I will always remember the little looks he gets. The serious ones, the silly ones, and the ones he gets when he's concentrating on something. If I were to lose him, I just pray that I would be able to go on. I waited so long for him to be in my life (I'll have to share that story sometime), and now I just hope that I get to be with him for a long time.Ok, that's enough. I don't need to get down already. I guess I just needed this time to share my feelings. I have yet to cry over all this cancer. I've tried to be tough and keep it all inside. I guess I'm afraid that if I break down that Scott will quit being strong through it all. This is my place to at least vent (even if I don't cry). Thank you for letting me vent.Dear Lord, I don't want to lose faith that you can heal Scott, but Lord, the truth is that you could take Scott anytime you want to. You have a plan for it all and that may include Scott going to Heaven in the near future. I pray that you would do your will in all this. Heal Scott if that's your will, and if not, please comfort his family, my family and me. I pray that I would always remember that no matter what you are my all and all I need is you to go on. I love Scott, but you are my strength and I love you more. Please forgive me for the times I have been bitter towards you with the baby thing. Forgive me for the other day when I said that you are just there teasing me with the baby thing. You love me and you want the best for me. Remind me of that. Keep us safe as we travel to OKC on Wednesday and then home on Thursday or Friday. I love you so much.