Another Niece

Ok, it happened. Tanna had her baby today. I haven't seen pictures yet (it's killing me not to see her) but I'm hoping to see some soon. Finlee was born this morning and weighed 7lbs 9oz. She was 2 pounds lighter then Jaelyn. Matt (my brother) told me that she looks just like Jaelyn did when she was born, only smaller. Don't worry, I'm doing better than you would think I am. Yes, it's tough. Yes, it makes me long for my own baby. It's hard for me to make all my thoughts come together, but I'm working it out. I think right now the toughest thing is not being able to see her. I think that would help me. It helped me when Jae was born (to see her in person). For now just keep praying. I can tell that things are going so much better for me. I can get upset about things, but it doesn't go out of control. I have been in prayer most of the day. Not only for me, because I prayed all morning that Tanna and Finlee would be ok. But I did pray for me and I gave my feelings and thoughts to God all day long. This helped me so much. It was a continuous thing. I had to keep giving those thoughts away over and over. And in doing so I have been able to remember that I have a new niece who I know is beautiful. And my sister-in-law is doing very well and is the proud mommy of 2 girls now. I make a vow to focus on these positive and exciting moments of today. If I focus on others besides myself, it helps me not to focus on my self-pity.

Tanna, whenever you read this, I'm so excited and I can't wait to see you and Matt and Jae and now Finlee. Remember, I still consider you my link to being pregnant and having a baby. I do not feel bad about you, I am not angry, I'm excited. I'm so happy that Matt married you. I see the kind of wife and mother you are, and you sometimes make me look bad. You are a proverbs 31 woman, and no one will ever change my mind on that. You keep being that wife that thanks her husband for going to work, and you keep being that mommy that has fun with her children, with just enough discipline added in. You truly are one of my best friends ever. I love you!