Monday, March 09, 2009
Ok, I'm having second thoughts about Wednesday. I know I need to go and have my 6-month check-up with the dr, so I have to go. But I don't know if I want to talk about Clomid with her. I just don't think it's going to work. I think I'm getting my hopes up for nothing. I see newborns and I just think to myself "I am never going to experience that. Who am I kidding?" I don't even know if she will let me do it. I might just be setting myself up for heartache. What do I do? Is this satan trying to keep me from this, or is it God telling me not to do it? How do I know? I just don't know what to do. I don't think it means anything (even though I mentioned it to Scott), but I started feeling yucky after meals on Saturday and it's stuck with me until today. Trust me, I want to say "OH, I think I'm pregnant." But I don't know if it's really possible, or if that's what's really going on. Maybe I'm just getting sick again (yeah..I thought it was the flu last time). Wow, my mind plays so many tricks on me. I guess I'll just go on Wednesday and talk to the dr, and if she shoots me down on the clomid then that's my answer. I'll tell her about me feeling yucky for the past few days and see if she wants to test for pregnancy. I'm trying so hard to hold on to God right now. I know I need Him, but I tend to get so discouraged that I fall away from Him. It's just so hard, I'm so selfish and self-centered. I want things that I want when I want them, and I want it done my way. When will I learn to do it God's way?